a long way from okay
by belle parole
Summary: He knows that he's a long way from okay, but sitting there, on the bathroom floor with Angelina, he feels something other than empty.


_for the quidditch league, round 6, holyhead harpies, seeker: write about a romance that's doomed to fail_

_tw for grief and implied (like fade-to-black moments)/mentioned (talked about in-fic before/after) sexual content _

_1576 words by google docs_

* * *

After the war, George doesn't move from his bed for a whole day. He goes to their home, to their little apartment above their shop, and he climbs into bed and feels empty.

He doesn't cry. He feels withered.

Angelina comes and sees him on the second day. Fred had given her a key the first week they owned the building. Seeing her reminds George of Fred, and the tears start flooding down his face. He can't make himself properly greet her, but that's okay. She crawls into his bed, presses up against him, and cries too.

They cry and they cry and they cry.

They fall asleep, too, George hugging Angelina to his chest. It feels weird, all wrong, but it's nice to have someone else there.

The next morning, George gets up. He drinks some water and goes to the bathroom, and is about to wash his face when he catches his own reflection in the mirror. It's too much, to see _his_ face again. He starts to cry again.

Angelina finds him there, hunched over the sink, shuddering, and retching. She pulls him down with her, and they both slump down to the floor. Angelina runs her fingers through his hair, and whispers into his one good ear, things like '_I know',_ and '_it'll be okay_'. George finds a part of himself believing her. George finds a part of himself wanting to.

He knows that he's a long way from okay, but sitting there, on the bathroom floor with Angelina, he feels something other than empty.

He feels sad, of course, but hope and comfort are blooming in his stomach, as well.

The next day, they clean out Fred's room. Angelina says that there's no point in keeping his stuff. Maybe, she says, it will distract them. Maybe it'll help them move forward.

It's something to do, anyway.

George can't help but see Fred around the room — Fred flopping dramatically on his bed, belly down, to show George how soft the mattress is; Fred sprawling on the big chair he splurged on, reading Muggle classics he got from their dad; Fred standing in front of the mirror, dressed in date clothes, practicing dumb pickup lines he'd use on Angelina even though _you're already dating, Freddy, you don't need to pick her up_.

As George remembers that, a watery laugh catches in his throat, and he looks over at Angelina. There's sadness in her gaze as she takes the room. Her own memories are infused in this room, too, he knows. George watches her look at the bed, at the bookshelf, at the chair.

George suggests she move in with him.

She agrees.

The fifth night of Angelina living with George, she comes to his room in the middle of the night. He wasn't sleeping, anyway.

She says she can't sleep in his room. George lets her sleep next to him, like that first night.

For the first time in a week, he doesn't wake up from nightmares about walls crumbling down around him, crushing his body until he can't breathe.

His lungs feel clear.

In the morning, Angelina wakes up and presses a kiss onto George's lips.

She freezes. George freezes.

George knows that it was a mistake, a habit leftover from Fred, but he when she kisses again — softer, more tender, more purposeful — he kisses her back.

It's like a jolt of electricity, the shock that runs through his body. He knows that he shouldn't — it's his dead brother's girlfriend, how messed up is that? — but he kisses her and kisses her and kisses her.

They both need the comfort.

After, when they get up to start their day of cleaning the apartment, or the store, or whatever mundane task that will take their minds off of their thoughts, they don't talk about it.

That night, Angelina sleeps in George's room again. They kiss again.

George feels guilty, but he also feels confused, because he knows he's not in the right headspace for a relationship — especially not with his brother's ex — but kissing Angelina shuts his mind off. He feels normal.

He feels _full_.

They have sex together for the first time a week later. After, laying in his bed next to Angelina, George asks her what they are. She replies that she doesn't know, but grasps his hand and pulls him close to her.

He thinks that's a good enough answer for them both.

They keep it up, and the guilt goes away, slowly.

A month goes by. George sees his family again.

Two months go by. The store starts making deliveries again.

Three months go by. George looks in the mirror again.

Four months go by.

For the first time since Fred died, George smiles. It's a real smile, directed at Angelina. She had made some joke, something about how she didn't know which would confuse people more: the magic behind George's products or the actual product. He smiles, and she smiles back at him briefly, but the smile turns into a frown.

She tells him he looks so much like Fred. He tells her that he knows. They had been twins, after all.

She caresses his cheek with a sad smile on her face and traces his lips with her thumb. George presses a soft kiss on the pad of her finger, and he moves up her hand, and then her arm, and then her shoulder, and her neck, and her lips. They both dissolve into the kisses, and the comment is forgotten about.

Another month passes. George brings Angelina home to his family. They're all glad to see her, of course, since she was practically adopted into the Weasley family the moment Fred mentioned her.

George tells his family that they're dating, now, and his family seems happy for him. They all smile. Everyone but Ginny.

Brutally honest Ginny, who frowns when George tells everyone the news. George confronts her about it, and she denies anything. When he presses her again, she points out that it's interesting that Angelina dated Fred and is now dating him.

George pushes back at Ginny, slightly angry, and tells her that he's not going to get pushed around. He's not being taken advantage of, or whatever she's implying. He's smart enough to know if Angelina is just using him because he looks like Fred.

He tells Ginny that their relationship goes two ways.

She frowns at him again and tells him that she knows.

George goes home, and kisses Angelina, and tries not to think about Ginny's comments.

Another month goes by. George restarts the store full time, Angelina right by his side.

Another month. Percy gets married, to a Muggle named Audrey. George holds Angelina's hand during the ceremony, and even though they're rare after the war, he's able to genuinely smile.

The next month, Fleur announces that she's pregnant. George kisses Angelina with so much conviction that night that she makes a joke about him trying to get _her_ pregnant.

George kisses her again and tries to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach at the prospect of starting a real future with her, with a family and everything.

Four more months go by. Fleur has her baby, a little girl they name Victoire, the same day of the one year anniversary of Fred's death. George tries to celebrate his first niece, but he feels like he's underwater the entire time his family is celebrating at the Burrow.

When they get home that night, George loses himself in kissing Angelina again, and this time it's him who makes a joke about giving Victoire a cousin.

Angelina shoots back that he should ask her to marry him first. George kisses her instead of answering, and pretends that the idea doesn't make his stomach churn.

Five more months pass, and George thinks he's doing pretty well. He feels happy, he thinks. He has Angelina as a girlfriend, his business is thriving, and his family is doing good.

Harry and Ginny get married, and Ron and Hermione follow the week after.

The night after both weddings, Angelina brings up marriage again.

George avoids answering.

Again.

Another month goes by, and George can feel Angelina start to pull away.

He starts losing his breath when he looks in the mirror. He starts to dream about crumbling walls again.

He tries to kiss Angelina with extra conviction.

She tries to kiss with less.

The next month, she breaks up with him.

George feels suffocated when she tells him. Before the words are even finished coming out of her mouth, he feels like he can't breathe.

He tries to ask her to stay, but he can't make the words come out of his mouth. He tries to ask her why, but his mouth feels like locked shut.

His vision blurs, and his heart pounds in his ear and all he knows is that he doesn't know how he's supposed to survive without her.

He knows it's not fair of him to be that dependent, but he manages to say that to her.

Angelina just wipes a tear from his cheek, and George wants to kiss her so badly, to make his brain shut up, but he knows that she wouldn't appreciate it.

She tells him that they shouldn't rely on their relationship to get over their grief. That they need to learn how to live for themselves.

She leaves.


End file.
